Category Archives: Anxiety

Anxiety, Depression, Healthy Living, Managing Stress, Mental Health

Hope is the Bird That Sings

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul—and sings the tunes without words and never stops at all.”
— Emily Dickinson

Hope if the thing - when the bird sings
Image by: ryk-naves-b_-KVgWg_YM-unsplash

This is a beautiful message that I wanted to share with alll of you. (Reprinted with permission from Whitney Johnson – WLJAdvisors.)

I was twenty-one years old and freshly arrived in Montevideo, Uruguay, from the United States.

For the next 18 months I wasn’t going to see my family or friends––,we would communicate via letter only, except for a phone call home on Christmas and Mother’s Day. I’d chosen to come to this far-flung place as a missionary, but reality was setting in. Jet-lagged and homesick, I opted for a nap.

I was roused from my slumber sooner than I would’ve liked to discover something wonderful was happening outside my bedroom window. Birds were chirping—not just one or two, but dozens—a grand welcoming chorus. I’d left winter at home; in Uruguay it was spring.

“Hope is the thing…that perches in the soul.”

Over the past few months, I’ve had to make choices. We’re all having to make choices about what future world we want to build out of the rubble of the present.

Will we choose to give up, give in to existential despair, or will we choose hope that in the end all will be well. That spring will come again?

To be clear, there are different kinds of hope. And some ‘hopes’, we would do well to relinquish. Hope that present circumstances would suddenly be different, that bad things that have happened hadn’t happened. These are really wishes, and unfulfillable. As Beverly Flanigan said, “Forgiveness is giving up hope of ever having a better past.” 

The past can’t be changed, only our perspective of it. And some of our proximate hopes, things we anticipated rolling our way in the near future, need to be abandoned as well, in favor of longer term, ultimate hopes.

Because as much as we need hope, we don’t need false hope. Which is the subject of this week’s podcast, an interview with Kelly Goldsmith (yes, daughter of one of my wonderful mentors!). I find the conclusions of her research refreshing and helpful during a time of limited resources, and pronounced feelings of scarcity.

Kelly suggests that scarcity itself isn’t the issue, but the absence of hope. When we know that something is truly gone—the boyfriend isn’t coming back, the money is lost, life as we’ve known it has permanently changed—we can mourn the loss and then lean into the constraint that has been created to grow in a different direction. Ironically, it’s when we’re still clinging to unrealizable hopes, uncertain, that we feel scarcity and those feelings become problematic.

People crave certainty, which is hard to come by, but if it’s certain that something is gone and not coming back, it’s better to face it. That’s loss, not scarcity, and when we know something is truly lost we can move on, rather than compensating in ultimately self-defeating ways. If there is hope, let people feel hope. If there isn’t, don’t string people along, inadvertently creating scarcity, thinking it’s kinder. It’s not.

Are you allowing people to feel hope about something that you shouldn’t?

Are you trapped in futile hope for a better past that you need to free yourself from?

What are you willing/able to choose to do to help build a more hopeful future?

Maybe it’s continuing to social (physical) distance when you’ve grown weary of distancing. Or thinking about not only the financial implications, but the long-term public health implications of the virus? Is it extending yourself, providing work for others, when you’d rather save your money for you and yours? Or even finding ways to serve, not necessarily where you want to serve, but where you’re needed?

Then there are the small things you can do. The delicate, little live things. Picking mint from the garden, putting it in a Mason jar with water and lots of ice. Washing dishes with your family after a home-cooked meal. Pushing open the window to listen to the birdsong. Whenever I hear the song of a bird, my heart sings with hope.

In your moments when you want to give up—even just a little—what can you do to rekindle hope? What gives you hope?

 

Anxiety, Depression, Depression, Mental Health, Social Distancing

How are you dealing with social distancing?

Video

Social Distancing - Stay Home Sign
Image by Logan Weaver @Unsplash

I am not looking forward to another month of social distancing (quarantine), or even another day.

How about you? How are you doing?

Are you sad, worried, afraid, or all of that, and more?

The whole idea of social distancing goes against human nature. We are wired to be touched from birth until the day we die. There is even a condition known as touch deprivation that can have serious and long-lasting negative effects on health.

But . . . for now . . .  we must practice social distancing to protect ourselves and others from the virus, regardless of how much we hate it .

The lucky ones are people with families who have each other to fill the need for human touch, but many are alone and isolated. I happen to be one of those.

I’m surviving, but forced isolation is not fun!

I’m stuck on an emotional roller coaster ride from which I cannot escape. The uncertainty of how long the isolation will last intensifies my anxiety.

Sometimes I’m OK and can accept that this is a situation over which I have no control. I use my time productively to research and write; then, suddenly – I’m not OK. The walls close in and I wander through a quagmire of fear and doubt, wishing this would all go away. I question if I will make it through unscathed and worry about catching the virus and dying alone.

It’s a relief when I can shake the depression, pull myself together, and become productive again but, I know it’s only a matter of time until I fall into the worry pit for the umpteenth time.

Up and down – up and down – It is not a fun ride.

Have You Discovered the Gift?

During these long, uncertain days and possibly weeks or months ahead, I hope that all of you who are lucky enough to be confined with loved ones will realize that you have been given a wonderful gift – extended time with the most important people in your life.

I encourage you to use the time wisely.

It is the perfect opportunity to do things together that make everyone smile, to get to know each other in ways that your previously busy lives didn’t allow,  to enjoy long quiet talks about hopes and dreams, to hold them close, and to let them know how grateful you are that you are together.

What About the Not so Fortunate?

Let’s get out of our heads by helping people who are alone. They may be family members (mom/dad, grandmother/grandfather, aunt/uncle, cousin), friend or work colleague, or neighbor.

Social Distancing - Older Man at Door
Image by Andre Ouellet@unsplash

We can’t visit physically, so it will require some creativity to findways to lessen their feelings of being cut off from the world. One thing we can do is to check-in every few days; let them know we are thinking about them.

Texting is better than no contact but, let’s be more personal – use facetime, or have a group gathering via ZOOM or SKYPE. Spend quality virtual time. Talk about anything and everything – laugh and have fun.

If they are on the same emotional roller coaster I am on, knowing that someone is there for them can be a critical factor in how they deal with this horrific challenge.

Social Distancing Is Not New!

As I thought about what to say in this post, it occurred to me that we have been practicing social distancing for some time without realizing it. The busyness epidemic, our obsession with technology, and the practice of communicating primarily through texting have separated us by choice. We have lost sight of the fact that we need human touch to remain mentally and physically at our best. Man (or woman) was not meant to be alone.

Realizing the deep-seated need for regular human connection and physical contact may be the silver lining in this terrible dark cloud that has descended on the world. It is a chance to open our eyes, minds, and hearts to each other again – to reach out physically – to hug and hold those we love – to get back in the habit of talking face-to-face with family, friends, and neighbors – to be kind, caring, and respectful toward others, and to come out of this darkness into a better world.

We can start today by holding close the loved ones in our homes and supporting those who are alone.

Social distancing may be required, but emotional distancing is not!

We have the power to make a difference in many lives by holding each other close.

Be safe – stay well!

Nancy

Quote of the Day

Even the smallest act of caring for another person is like a drop of water - it will make ripples throughout the entire pond. - Jessy and Bryan Matteo Click To Tweet

 

Related Posts:  Don’t Be Rude When You Can Be Kind

Aging, Alternative Health, Anxiety, Depression, Depression, Good Health, Healthy Living, Managing Stress, Mental Health

Still Man’s Best Friend – Especially for Baby Boomers

Man's Best Friend

Now that you are an empty nester, what would you do without Gimley, your ‘fur baby’  –  man’s best friend?

You may even be living alone, trying to figure out what comes next and Gimley keeps you sane.

You are one of the 76 million Baby Boom Generation, born between 1944 and 1964 – a generation that loves dogs.

Dogs have been called ‘man’s best friend’ since they were first domesticated, thousands of years ago. But, Baby Boomers seem to have taken it to heart more than other generations.

They make up 37% of all dog owners – a sizeable chunk of the dog-owning population.

If you are a ‘boomer’ or are related to a ‘boomer, you know their dogs  are more than just a friend to keep them company as the years pile up and retirement is looming. They are part of the family.

Why Boomers Relate Differently to Dogs

Baby Boomers were welcomed into a world that was enjoying a new level of comfort. Life was different and possibilities unknown to prior generations were everywhere. This included dog companionship on a different level.

They grew up with their dogs in the home and developed strong bonds with their furry friends at an early age. The connection to pets was intense and those relationships were carried into adulthood.  

The Shift from Outside to Inside

Before the Baby Boomers, dogs were primarily outside pets. You may remember the backyard dog houses. But with the Boomer Generation things changed.

Pups were kept inside and integrated into the family, which created a companionship dynamic that had never before existed.

The strong bond Boomers have with their dogs goes a long way in keeping them feeling fulfilled and sociable.

Coping with Change

The companionship and unconditional love that dogs provide helps owners adjust more easily to life changes.

  1. The empty nest – filling the gap when children leave.
  2. Physical well-being (staying active) – dogs must be walked, so owners get more exercise.
  3. Mental health – there are issues that can arise as a person moves into different stages of life. The loving companionship of a dog reduces loneliness and lessens the risk of depression and anxiety

Dogs Are Social Facilitators

Boomers know that dog owners reap social benefits that do not come with other types of pets.

Dogs love to be outside, they love to run and play, and they have to be “walked” for exercise and relief. The result is dog owners tend to get out of the house several times a day and enjoy the side benefit of easily connecting with other dog owners.

A few activities that Boomers enjoy with their furry best friends:

  • Getting to know the neighborhood and the neighbors
  • Being part of a dog-walking group
  • Attending dog-focused events
  • Regular visits to the dog park

Dogs Are Good for the Heart

When it comes to heart health issues, dogs have your back. According to a nationwide study, dog owners have a lower risk of heart disease.

The researchers also found there is a link between the breed and the relative risk of developing cardiovascular disease. Hunting breeds were related to a lower risk of cardiovascular disease than any other breed of dog.

So, if you are in the market for a dog, you may want to consider a Labrador, beagle, Weimaraner, golden retriever, or bloodhound.

And . . . That’s Not all

There are many health benefits of living with man’s best friend.

The companionship and higher levels of exercise that come with having a furry friend lowers the risk of high blood pressure.

It is hard to stay stressed when you feel the unconditional love that dogs provide. Studies have found that the simple scratching of your dog’s head can improve your mood significantly.

To sum it up – dogs are still man’s best friend, just ask any Boomer dog-owner.   

Related Article: High Stress Slows Down Your Brain

The article was adapted with permission from the original published on FOMO Bones.

Alternative Health, Anxiety, Depression, Depression, Exercise, Health and Fitness, Healthy Living, Managing Stress, Meditation, Mental Health, Rest, Stress Relief

Focus Your Energy on Well-being

To live a happy, healthy, balanced life, you must learn to focus your energy on well-being. Self-care on all levels should be an integral part of your lifestyle.

There is an abundance of information available about the benefits of eating well and exercising regularly to sustain a healthy mind and body. In fact, I write about both regularly. But today I want to move in a little different direction.

In addition to those two very basic and critical activities, there are a number of other things you can to improve your mental health and overall well-being.  By incorporating them into your daily life, you will be better able to manage most challenges – including struggles with self-doubt, anxiety, and mild depression.

Practices that Focus Your Energy on Well-being

Accept Your Feelings

Stuffing or ignoring your emotions is more damaging than it is helpful.  Everyone has emotions. They are a natural part of being human. Bottling them up may seem like a good solution in the moment, but when you do it all the time, you are potentially creating a time bomb that will eventually explode.

Unfortunately, you are hurting yourself as you hold them in and you run the risk of hurting those you love when the eruption finally occurs.

Rather than acknowledging what you are feeling and allowing yourself to experience emotions, you may medicate, rationalize, blame, bury, deny, smother, drink, or stuff them (pretend they don’t exist). Emotions have become the enemy and many people will do anything to avoid them – especially the big three: fear, anger and sadness.

It takes a lot of mental, physical and emotional energy to avoiding your feelings and creates high levels of stress and anxiety.

Don’t stuff your emotions!

Let yourself laugh, cry, scream, yell, or pound something (preferably a pillow, grass, sand – not the wall or someone else). Do whatever you need to do, probably in private is the best choice. But, if emotions erupt in public, excuse yourself and let it rip.  This is nature’s way of releasing stress. Don’t beat yourself up afterward!

You must find a safe and sane way to release your emotions (this applies to both men and women). When you continually stuff them, you are endangering your own health and possibly the well-being of others around you.

Stuffed emotions eventually come out – either in the form of a physical illness, a mental break down, or incredible explosions of anger on anyone who happens to be around – including your children, other loved ones, colleagues, and innocent bystanders.

Don’t set up yourself, your family, or friends for these unintended consequences. Consciously begin to let down your guard and experience your feelings – recognize and acknowledge your emotions. Only then will you be able to manage them in a healthy way and relieve the stress that stuffing them is creating.

Be a Risk Taker

Routine and structure are good things. They keep us on track and make life work. However if you are a rule follower to a fault and never do anything spontaneous or out-of-the ordinary, you are missing some interesting adventures that make life more enjoyable.

Don’t let yourself become so regimented and predictable that you may even bore yourself. Life is meant to be lived.  When you are not stretching and doing new things – taking risks on a regular basis, you are not growing as a person. Taking risks – even calculated ones can be exciting, rewarding and are definitely good for your mental well-being

Challenge yourself. Make a point of taking some kind of risk every day. They don’t have to be big risks.

If you are shy – make a point of talking to someone new. Learn a new language, take dance or voice lessons or join Toastmasters and learn to speak in public; and other things – like being more trusting or being more assertive. The goal is to push yourself out of your comfort zone regularly.

Take Responsibility for the Life You Have

Too often people spend their entire life blaming others for the life they are living. Everyone has their own experiences – good, bad and in-between. Those experiences definitely impact the way we view life – but they did not have to cripple us.

If you allow yourself to live in the past, continuously suffering for what you have lost or for what others have “done to you,” you will never be able to completely embrace the joys of life that are available to you. They will be lost in the fog of anger and self-pity.

The only way to truly enjoy life is to take responsibility for what you can control and for what you are creating right now – in the present moment. You are what you think about and you have the life that you create by your thoughts and your actions. Take responsibility for that; and start enjoying it.

The past is gone, the future has not yet arrived – all you have is the present, so learn to live in the moment and make it count.

Develop Self-Awareness

Avoid just coasting through life, being totally unaware of what you are doing – never taking the time to look inside and to assess your behaviors.

Which of your behaviors are serving you and which are not? What factors are driving the behaviors that are not serving you? What is your prevalent attitude about life? What are your thought patterns? Are they helpful and uplifting – or negative and destructive?

What realities about your life are you denying? Bad habits? Self-defeating behaviors? Are you resisting change that would greatly benefit the way you feel?

You do not have to take it on all at once, but a little honest introspection daily – possibly at the end of each day – could work wonders in creating a greater sense of self and well-being.

Laugh Out Loud a Lot

Focus on Well-being
Image by photography33

It is time to start laughing – out loud – a lot! Many people take themselves far too seriously. This seems to be a particularly big problem for highly-intelligent people. And, typically a problem that develops as people grow into adulthood. It doesn’t generally afflict children.

Kids laugh about 200 times a day and adults, only 15 times a day at most. Let yourself laugh openly and freely as children do when they are reveling in life.

Read funny books; develop friendships with people who make you laugh; play games with your kids or grandkids; go to funny movies.  In other words – have more fun!

Laughter is our way of communicating joy. Researchers have found that when people are joyful, there is a sense of well-being that when sustained, contributes to longevity.

Let the laughter flow openly and freely the way a young child laughs. It will be infectious and others will laugh with you.

Laughter not only provides wonderful psychological benefits, it also has many physical benefits, as well such as improving circulation, boosting the immune system, reducing stress, and normalizing blood pressure.

Finding joyful moments and making time for laughter can make a huge difference in the way you feel and the way you live your life.

My simple prescription for you is to laugh unconditionally every day.  It is free – it is fun – there are no adverse side effects – and it will help keep you young (at least young at heart).

Focusing on Your Well-being Is not Difficult

Improving your well-being does not have to be as difficult or complex as you may imagine. By using the five tips here, you can easily discover that you feel better, you are less stressed, and that you are able to enjoy life more.

I am not telling you to ignore the importance of eating well, regular exercise and getting adequate rest.  I am telling you to recognize that there is much more to a person’s overall well-being than those basic components.

A high-level of self-awarenes (how you act and how you feel) can impact your well-being in significant ways.

Anxiety, Depression, Depression, Exercise, Health and Fitness, Healthy Diet, Healthy Eating, Healthy Living, Managing Stress, Mental Health, Rest

The Danger of a Frenetic Lifestyle

The frenetic lifestyle that many people live today is very harmful. Rushing here and there, being constantly on call, balancing multiple layers of responsibility may give you a sense of accomplishment – even make you feel important, but it takes a huge toll on every aspect of life.

Image by stokkete
Image by stokkete

When you constantly push yourself to take on more and more challenges, it is easy to lose sight of why you wanted to be successful in the first place. For many, the reason was to be able to spend less time working and enjoy life more.  A frenetic, high-pressure lifestyle creates exactly the opposite.

There is a very dark side to constantly pushing yourself to produce more and more. Unfortunately, it creeps up on you and becomes a serious case of self-negligence.

When you are busy and driven every minute of every day and well into the evening, it is easy to neglect important things in life that keep you healthy, happy, and create quality of life.  A continual stream of urgent tasks that must be completed will overshadow the not-so-urgent, but important activities that make life worth living.

It is not just physical well-being that is neglected – mental and emotional well-being also suffer when there is no time for self-care.

Areas of Neglect

Nutritional Needs

When your daily schedule is crammed to overflowing one of the first areas of neglect is your diet. Eating regular, nutritious meals become a thing of the past. You are not only too busy to sleep or even take a deep breath now and then, there is no time to prepare decent meals

Convenience foods, frozen dinners, take out and fast foods become the norm. It is a steady diet of additive filled, sugar and fat-filled dishes, loaded with empty calories that provide minimal nutrition and damage the body. It is impossible to sustain any level of good health on such a diet.

Adequate Rest

When you burn the candle at both ends, there is a good chance you will pay the price of poor health.  Inadequate rest carries both short- and long-term consequences.

Short-term lack of sleep can affect moods, cognitive ability, memory, judgment and increase the risk of accidents and injury.

Long-term, chronic sleep deprivation can set you on the path to serious health problems such cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even early death.

In addition to endangering your own health, you may also be endangering others because of the toll it takes on your perception and judgement. In the work place it results in inefficiency, decreased productivity, and dangerous mistakes that can cause accidents. And, of course, driving while exhausted can be deadly.

Regular Exercise

Far too many people are overweight in the United States and obesity is on the rise. Many are calling it an epidemic of the 21st Century. This is primarily the result of poor diet and lack of exercise, which are the result of busy, hectic, work-focused lifestyles.

Regular exercise is a critical factor in maintaining good health. That will never change.  When it is a missing piece, sustainable good health is nearly impossible. Even if you take the time to eat well – if you live a completely sedentary life, you are putting your health in jeopardy.

Lack of exercise is as deadly as smoking. Physical inactivity has been declared the culprit in the rising death rates from coronary disease, type 2 diabetes, plus breast and colon cancer.

You should never be too busy to exercise!

Recreation

Busy people forget to have fun (re-create themselves). If you ask a very busy professional what s/he does for fun, the answer may be anything from a blank stare to a quick, “Who has time for fun?”

This may not seem serious at first glance; but, never having time for fun and relaxation can have serious negative impact on mental and emotional stability. They are just as important to good health as nutrition, exercise, and sleep.

Hobbies, play, relaxation techniques, and simple fun activities have therapeutic and regenerative effects on both physical and mental health.

Studies show that people with anger management issues or who struggle with anxiety and/or depression can often trace the cause back to a lack of joy in life that is found in fun and relaxing activities with friends and family.

Regardless of your profession – doctor, chef, mechanic, professional athlete, or garbage man – you need time to unwind and enjoy yourself

Without fun and relaxation as a significant part of your lifestyle, you are setting yourself up for problems related to chronic stress.

Stress is a killer! It leads to obesity, heart attacks, high blood pressure, chronic headaches, depression, and temporary personality disorders, etc. It can also destroy relationships, break up families, and decrease the desire to continue living.  There is no aspect of life that is free from the necrotic touch of chronic stress.

Dreams No Longer Matter

Another serious danger of a frenetic lifestyle  is that you can eventually reach a point where dreams no longer matter, which can alter the course of your life.

Life-long dreams –  the catalyst to your ambition – the ideals that pulled you into the future may dim and eventually disappear completely from your consciousness.

After years of life-draining work, the dream can be forgotten and  replaced by the time-consuming, demanding career that takes everything you have to give.

No one intentionally gives up on achieving their dreams, but the intense focus of a person’s mind, life, and soul around the means to the end eventually becomes the end in itself, leaving no room for the original dreams to exist.

When a person places all his time, talent, and energy on something long enough, that “something” begins to absorb the entire mind and becomes the central focus of his life.  It is the only thing that his mind is capable of comprehending – and possibly the only that he is capable of wanting.

He loses his healthy zest for life,  and he has nothing but obligations, responsibilities, and productivity goals – with no end point in sight. Life is about the work and nothing more.

Living in a constant rush of cortisol and adrenaline, a person loses the ability to enjoy friends, family, hobbies and life – hopes and dreams for the future no longer exist.

Instead of enjoying life, one merely tries to beat it.

Don’t Let Life Lose Its Meaning

Living every day filled with hectic, intense activity and constant stress creates an existence of a meaningless chain of milestones that lead nowhere.

You must take the time to stop! Disconnect! Breathe!

You must remember that life exists outside of work.  Without the little moments of love, joy, laughter, and even struggles, life is meaningless.

Setting goals and milestones can be great as long as you don’t forget why you set them. There were reasons – don’t lose sight of those.

On the other hand, everyone has crazy days or weeks now and then – that is part of life in the world today.  But notice, I said “now and then” not all the time.  SLOW DOWN and LIVE!